Mikey Boom

So I ride NJ Transit every morning at 7am. At this time the train is usually very packed with morning commuters and I nearly always have trouble finding an empty seat. The other day instead of just standing there and complaining to myself about why I wasn’t going to be able to sit down for my entire commute, I realized that there are different types of commuters who can be characterized by their behavior into different profiles. Long story short, by understanding the commuter demographic I feel I might have the upper hand in finding an empty seat on those crowed NJ Transit morning commutes. Here are my observations:

The threats: Threats are seen as anyone who could take your seat in the train.

The best place to sit: The best place to sit on the train is represented by the area of that particular train that you are most likely to find a comfortable seat.

The vacant seat: The vacant seat is a 3 person seat occupied by 1 person and/or a 2 person seat that is not occupied at all.

Special Things to consider about the train: As opposed to subway cars, NJ Transit commuters enter train via end doors and make their way towards the middle of the train. It is fair to assume that usually the center of the train has the most vacant seats.

The best train commuter: The best train consumers are YOU. You look for vacant seats which offer more comfortably. You are willing to walk to the center of he train for these seats. You are aware of he existence of other active seekers. You are smart seekers.

Profile C: Does not care where they sit or if they sit. If they walk into the train and see that it is somewhat pack they will stop looking for a seat and remain standing. Because of this, these people will usually walk in to the train look around and remain standing where they are, which is close to the door at the ends of the train car, so as they can exit the quickly upon arrival at their destination.

Profile B: Likes to sit down as quickly as possible. Does not want to search and hold up the people behind him/her. These people would don’t mind sitting next to others and would likely fill the third position in a 3 person seat next to strangers. These people usually enter train and work they way towards the middle but sit down immediately once they find a seat. They usually find a seat closer towards the end of the cars near the entrance.

Profile A: DO NOT like to sit next to strangers. Because of this, these people are active searchers of vacant seats. They would rather occupy a seat by themselves than a seat with 1-2 other strangers. These people do not like to be forced by a crowed train to sit next to strangers but when “push comes to shove” they will fill the last seat of a three person seat on the train. In a 3 person seat, these people would rather sit with 1 other stranger as opposed to sitting with 2 other strangers. As active searcher of vacant seats these people more commonly walk toward the center of the train than both Profile B and Profile C.

Conclusion:

The Profile C poses a minimal amount of threat. Since these people are not active seekers of vacant seats, they do not pose a significant threat to the ability of a best train commuter to find an available seat. As mentioned above, since these people usually stand towards the end of the train car in order to exit fast once arrival at destination, therefore it is fair to assume that walking to the center of the train car reduces their threat dramatically.

Profile B poses a medium threat level. These people do look for vacant seats but not to the extent of a Best Train Commuter. As these people do not care about sitting next to others they are likely to sit at the first available “non-vacant” seat next to strangers. Therefore, it is fair to assume walking towards the middle of the train car minimizes their threat level several percentage points.

Profile A poses the most amount of threat. These people are active seekers that do not like to sit next to strangers-similar to The Best Train Commuter. Walking towards the middle of the train for vacant seats is not unlikely behavior for these people-similar to that of The Best Train Commuter. However, unlike the ‘The Best Train Commuter’ these active seekers are unaware of the existence of other active seekers. They are not smart seekers and once reaching the center of train in search of a vacant seat may find that the ‘The Best Train Commuter’ have already beat them to it

If you’re a dude and having a baby, you might want to consider naming your son with one of the names below. Just to make sure your son grows up to be the Neanderthal warrior you wish you had been…I’m personally going to name my son with #1. These are ridiculously awesome. Thank you MST3!!!

Top 25 Manliest Names of ALL TIME

25. Ponte Speedchuck

24. Fridge Largemeats

23. Butch Deadlift

22. Bolt McRunfast

21. Blast Hardcheese

20. Dirk Hardpeck

19. Trunk Slamchest

18. Stump Chuckman

17. Bolt Vangerhuge

16. Punch Rockgroin

15. Slab Squatthrust

14. Lump Beefbroth

13. Fist Rockbone

12. Stump Beefknobb

11. Reef Blastbody

10. Blake Fistcrunch

9. Flint Ironstag

8. Rip Steakface

7. Bob Johnson

6. Blast Thickneck

5. Blake Cladrock

4. Buff Hardback

3. Crunch Buttsteak

2. Gristle McThronbody

1. Big McLargehuge

This is a pretty sick T-Shirt being sold (and worn on set by Michel Bay himself) at http://www.michaelbay.com. I personally grew up watching Transformers as a child on Saturday mornings so I was really excited when they first announced the live action movie. I can’t wait until it comes this 4th of July weekend, I’m sure it will make a buttload of money. I don’t know if I would necessarily buy this shirt and wear it around but I really like the idea of having a shirt that says Giant fucking robots are coming. Did I mention that the profits go to charity? All dorkyness aside, I think that in its own way the shirt is an adult way to pay homage to a cartoon/comic that a lot of us grew up and considered “cool” back in the day. Hopefully, the next generation of snotty nose kids will also see how cool Transformers really are. Check out the T-Shirt, let me know what you think.

Things are changing…you can smell it in the air. MikeyBoom.com is due for a complete overall.  Don’t be surprised if next time you check out mikeyboom.com the background is white and the text is black and everything looks a little better. I may even open up comments and start anew. In fact, you know what, don’t be surprised if next time you check out mikeyboom.com a half naked Tibetan midget personally greets you and shakes your hand. But that probably won’t happen. What will happen is a complete overhaul in the near future. So get ready people, we’re moving on up, to the east side!!! A deluxe website!!!
P.S. ‘near’ is a relative term

As you may know I just bought a new car. It’s a Porsche Boxster S and it’s hella sick! I’ve never had a 6-speed before and I’ve never had a convertible so I’m really siked about it. Supposedly it does 0 to 60mph in 5.1 seconds. I’ve haven’t been able to replicate those figures yet but I have been done 0 to 60pmh in less than 7 seconds. I guess I still have to get used to diving stick full time. Check out these pics.

I’m not normally one to say that a hot chick like Paris Hilton should go to jail but perhaps the world is a safer place with one less drunken driver out there on the road. I have lost several friends to drunken driving and have first hand experience of the disasters that one single human being can cause while driving intoxicated. The law is the law and no matter hot stupid, rich, or pretty you are there are no exceptions to Justice. In my personal opinion, Paris Hilton should go to jail and accept the fact that she did something illegal, immoral, and wrong. I feel this may even be a wakeup call for this reckless celebrity. Bottom line: she obviously won’t be in general population in jail, she’ll set a better example than what she is doing now, and after she gets out she’ll still be a billionaire just maybe a little wiser. If you feel the same way, sign the “Jail Paris Hilton” petition below.

Good luck Paris and don’t drop the soap!

Today I had a meeting with Google to discuss their site targeting platform. During the meeting they gave insight on what really happen over the weekend at their huge 8th avenue complex in NYC.  If you didn’t know, the Google geeks found a 3 foot python slithering around their offices this past weekend. Apparently, an engineer on the 4th floor accidentally left the door open to the cage and the snake slowly but surely made its way out and about.   The snake, aptly named Keiser, was an employee pet. The owner, an avid video blogger, kept the snake as host for his reptile blog.  The python was ultimately found in an office behind a cabinet and brought back to its rightful owner who then brought the snake home to a more pleasant environment.  The massive snake was not poisonous and no one was harmed during its journey through the web giant’s offices.

So I was able to go scuba diving in the Florida Key this weekend. This was something I have wanted to do for a very long time but never really had the opportunity. It was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be. The first dive went into a reef called “Molasses” in Key Largo. I saw crazy exotic salt water fish that I didn’t even know existed.  I saw a 600lbs “Grouper” which is an enormous fish. All in all, it was a pretty spectacular sight to see.  I must admit, the first dive was the scariest for me.  I was so busy concentrating on breathing that I wasn’t able to truly focus on the exotic marine life.  I had bought an underwater camera at the scuba store and was really excited to use it. the only problem was that I didn’t feel comfortable enough to let myself get into photographer mode pretty much until the end of the dive.  I found myself just pointing and snapping shots hastily and at random in between the short moments where I actually forgot I was breathing compressed air through small tube 4o feet under water.

Fortunately, the second dive went completely different. For our second dive we went into a reef called “Paradise”. This reef was completely saturated with marine life.  I guess that going into the second dive I sort of knew what to expect and so I didn’t panic as much. In fact, there was a point in the dive where I was about 25 feet underwater and salt water started leaking into my mask.  I am proud to say that I didn’t panic when this happened.  I just remember the drill from the scuba class I had taken earlier and was able to stop the leak and get rid of the water by looking up, pressing down on the mid section of my mask, and breathing out of my nose.  I smoothly swam through the schools of fish and even stopped at the ocean floor to admire the giant coral reefs rising out of the ground.  My second dive performance truly had me feeling like a pro.  The first day I logged a little  over 66 minutes underwater.  Pretty significant for a first time diver.

Anyways, I’ll tell you some more about my diving trip later I just wanted to say that I got some really great pictures. I am in the process of developing them and they will be posted soon.  I suggest that if you ever have the opportunity to go scuba diving TAKE IT! Don’t hesitate.  It is definitely a life accomplishment. You’ll thank me later for going.  It might take a little getting used to but once you get the hang of it you’ll never want to leave the ocean. I know I didn’t.  Expect cool underwater pictures soon.

Mike McNeil, spokesman for restaurant franchise Hooters, recently announced plans for a new location in Israel. Hooters said in a press statement that it had reached a franchise agreement with Llana and Ofer Ahiraz of Israel to open the first restaurant in Tel Aviv later this year. The Atlanta-based eatery, best known for their chicken wings and skimpily dressed severs, has not made public any plans to set up restaurants in other middle eastern countries but have mentioned that they hope to eventually expand into other additional regions of Israel. McNeil told a local New York newspaper that the new restaurant will be “identical to what you’re going to see in the United States—the same uniform for the girls, chicken wings and burgers”. Hooters also stated it will consider kosher fare if so suggested by the Israelis.

72% of women consider themselves romantic. When asked the same question, only 58% of men said they consider themselves romantic. It’s no secret that we don’t always know what we’re doing in the bedroom and/or even if our pre-bedroom tactics will loom any fruition in our ultimate goal of getting some. How do know what to do when it comes to scoring points? How do we know that what we are doing is good or correct and most importantly, how the hell do we get you to sleep with us? Lucky for us MensHealth magazine recently asked 1,000 women to rate non-sexual foreplay tactics on a scale of 1 to 10. 10 meaning “you’re definitely going have a good time tonight” and 1 being “Sorry, I have a headache”.

Here’s what puts her in “the mood”

As you can clearly see from the chart above women are completely neurotic creatures with zero visible patterns of logical thinking. Or perhaps women’s thinking is so far beyond the level of us men that we can barley comprehend them. The chart indicates that most women responded favorably to a man who “Unexpectedly draws them bath”, “Surprises them with a sentimental gift”, and/or “Cooks dinner and cleans up”. So from this data we can gather that A) women like to be surprised and B) women like to be pampered. Additionally, we see from the chart that “Laughing together at favorite movies or shows” and “Taking them to a concert” or ‘Buying something sentimental” are also big formidable scoring tools. In my opinion this demonstrates that women thrive on being taken care of and like receiving surprises especially of a mushy nature (that’s puppy dog mushy not mash potato mushy). At the bottom of the barrel we see things like “working out together” and “paying for an expensive dinner”. These are somewhat surprising to me because I would think that working out together is a very sexual act. The sweating, the heavy breathing, and the fact that you get to check out the other person wearing something a little tighter or even showing off a body part that you wouldn’t otherwise. “Working out together” scoring so low is a big surprise to me. The other low scorer, “He takes me out for an expensive dinner”, is not such a surprise. In fact, This is a common misconception of many men. Many men feel that after dropping a couple hundred dollars on a nice meal they are entitled to some sort of sexual counter action from the female as compensation for the fine dining. Well, think again. Women know us better than we know ourselves and if you think caviar and campaign is going to change the fact that you’re a moron, you’re in for a big surprise.

So to put things in perspectives lets state what we know works for sure:

1. Surprises, being thoughtful and creative
2. Being Genuine, being honest in you actions
3. Pampering, let them know you can take care of them

Remember, these are the tools that 1,000 said would be most likely to get them in bed. Use them wisely. Good luck!

P.S. When all fails unexpectedly draw her a bath or something…